And A Purple Bear
by Eveilae
Summary: [futurefic] Why I am curled up in the bear that still smells of you? You know what’s an even better question? Why aren’t I curled up with you? [KARINCHAD] onesided.


_I do not own Bleach_

**Erm, shit from my LJ. Not much more to say. I got bombed with one-manned reviews for a story I should be updating. I'm too bogged down with this Samurai Champloo story I'm trying out for size. With school, I just don't have enough time or will to write as much as usual.**

**Karin is my **love

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**The Big Questions **

**What we had I cannot even say. **31 days

I still curl up with that bear, you know. The big purple one you won me at a fair. Sure, the arm's just about fallen off, but the rest is in pretty good condition, considering I've been using it as a stress ball for nearly a year.

How long were we 'together'? I mean, now that I look back, why were we so damn secretive about it? Despite the whole older man, younger woman dilemma, what was wrong with what we had? I never even told Yuzu, and she's my twin.

Aren't twins supposed to have this, like, genetic connection? Maybe she did know, and just hid it very well all those months. I doubt Ichigo knew. I mean, despite the fact you're his best friend, and whatever, I doubt he keeps tabs on you.

I think Dad knew. He's my incredibly obsessive father, what the fuck am I saying, of course he knew! The fact he didn't say anything is both very uplifting, and oddly supportive of him.

Why I am curled up in the bear that still smells of you? I won't shed tears, not for you, or for us, but I want to, and that's bad enough. You know what's an even better question?

Why aren't I curled up with you?

Remember when you could barely remember what I looked like and I never took the time to remember your name? Psh, I didn't need to know your name to have a huge crush on you. I was, like, ten, of course I had a crush on you.

Why am I once more the only one with feelings?

I don't _feel _this relationship like I used to, you said. What kind of goddam explanation is that, you asshole? I should go and kick you in the balls just for giving me such a lame excuse! I know I won't, though, because if I see your face right now, I'm likely to break down completely.

I'm gonna call some friends can get completely wasted. I mean, why shouldn't I? Isn't that what most girls do after having broken up with their boyfriends? It's the typical thing to do, and I want to be typical right now.

I know that's the real reason you broke up with me. I'm not typical. I think you would be better suited with a bright, happy girl who appreciates your silence, but at the same time, can work out why your silence is saying.

I can only do one of those things. I respect your silence, because for the most part, I can't find a single thing to say. I don't try to force you to talk, not because I want you to feel comfortable, but because I don't want to make an effort to start a conversation. I'm condescending and I'm bossy. I'm angry and I show it. I am all sorts of things that all the good girls aren't. I can't cook, I can't sew, I can't converse politely, I can't fix a toilet or write poetry.

I can kick a ball like it's nobody's business, though.

You need a girl who'll help you make your Abuelo proud. Your Abuelo was probably killed so very dead up there in heaven when he saw you going out with me. I bet it's him who disinflated my favorite soccer ball.

Then again, because of him, you took me to that fair to cheer me.

Someone's s knock knock /s knocking on my door, but I don't feel like answering it. Then, I wonder if maybe it's _you_. I _definitely _don't want to answer the door, now. Maybe if I don't make any sound, whoever's out there will just go away.

"Karin? Are you in there? It's Rukia."

Goddam that woman. I bet when you told Ichigo you'd been going out with me and had just broken up with me, my dear, dear brother felt bad, and sent Rukia to have a girl-to-girl talk with me. The problem with that solution is that Rukia won't know _how _to have a girl-to-girl talk. Instead, she'll ramble on about some stupid metaphor involving bunnies and probably something indecent like sex or vegetable pancakes.

"I know you're in there! Don't make me knock down this door, because I will, and then everyone will ask why the hell you no longer have a door!" I know Rukia's completely serious, so I sigh, and sit up, pushing that soft, purple toy away.

"You're insubstantial, aren't you? Go _through_ the fuckin' door." I unlock the doorknob and Rukia pushes her way through, like she belongs here.

"Don't curse at your elders," she says snappily, flopping herself down on my bed. "Okay, here's the thing: Ichigo's too much of a coward to come and talk to you himself, so he told me to. Guess what? I don't know what to say, except maybe. . . " She pauses for a moment, and then plows on clumsily. "Be glad he isn't dead. Find yourself a new boyfriend, or maybe you should move to Mexico."

I think maybe just staring at her for a moment will work . . . Rukia, c'mon, tell me you're kidding.

"What's with that look? I'm serious! What's wrong with Mexico, eh?"

I roll my eyes at her. Sometimes she's so odd, it's ridiculous. "Not a thing. I just don't _want_ to live in Mexico. I've got a life here. I don't even speak Spanish!"

"Fine! Here I am, bringing you my precious advice and you completely disregard it!" With that said, she stomps out, not even caring that anyone in the hall sees the door open and slam on its own. She really is a horrible shinigami.

She did do me some good, though. I don't really feel like going back on that bed and angsting some more. Screw you, Chad. I don't need you to make me complete. I can be a bitch with or without you, as Rukia has shown me.

Just as I'm not the girl for you, maybe you're not the man for me. I wouldn't say no to a biker with fairy tattooed on his arm (Ichigo used to tell me I had bad taste in guys, remember? Ha, then he finds out I was going out with you!).

Even so, I lay the purple bear careful against my pillow, and I kiss it gently on the cheek before I leave my dorm room, locking the door behind me.


End file.
